Stake conference talk

Tuesday Sept. 8, 2014
As I mentioned in my last post, I was writing my talk that I was asked to give in stake conference on Sunday.  I was glad to get it all written before we headed down to Riverton to attend my niece's viewing and then funeral on Saturday.  The services were very spiritually uplifting, but I was also emotionally drained by the end of it, as it brought many memories back for me of my sweet Kera's funeral services.
My brother, my sister-in-law, my niece Grace, and my nephew Sam all spoke, along with their stake patriarch.  I was amazed at their composure throughout their talks.  Grace gave a great talk about music and her sister Cora, and talked about how the song "There is Sunshine in My Soul" reminds their family of Cora.  This was also the opening song at the funeral.  Well on Sunday at our stake conference after I spoke, our intermediate hymn was none other than "There is Sunshine in my Soul".  I felt like that was Cora's way of saying she was there with me.  I know my Kera was there helping me speak as well.  I didn't want to break down in front of the whole congregation, and I think she helped me keep it together so I could share my message.
I wanted to include a copy of my talk here on the blog.  Anyone who would like to can read it, but I really want to keep it to have and look back on later when I compile this blog into a book.


Stake Conference talk given on Sunday Sept. 6, 2014

            I am Staci Goar and our family moved here to West Point two years ago.  The topic I have been given to speak about is "Called to Serve Him every day of your life"

I will be referencing two talks by Elder Eyring, one is called "This Day", and another talk called "Serve with the Spirit" that he gave at a priesthood meeting.

            To serve God,  we must be doing the things necessary for Him to speak to us and for him to reveal to us how he would like us to serve.  We cannot serve others when we ourselves are not in tune to the spirit and worthy of his light and revelation.

            The first thing we can do is have daily scripture study.  I have found that taking some time each day to ponder the scriptures, read through church manuals and Ensign articles, reflect on how they relate to my life, and asking questions and then looking for the answers in the scriptures, allows the Lord to speak to me and reveal the things he has to tell me.

Quote by Elder Eyring: "We read words and we may get ideas.  We study and we may discover patterns and connections in scripture.  But when we ponder, we invite revelation by the spirit.  Pondering, to me, is the thinking and the praying I do after reading and studying in the scriptures carefully"

            When I read the scriptures hurriedly and close the book, I have not allowed time to let the words sink in.  There is no time for revelation to come.  Sometimes even studying the same scripture for a week will allow you to really understand it and do an in depth study with cross referencing and searching other topics related to that scripture. 

            The second thing we can do is pray to Him. We must pray daily, sometimes multiple times throughout the day, for us to receive direction and to know how to serve.  Elder Eyring says "As the humble servants of the Savior, we should pray for the manifestations of the Holy Ghost to come to us in our service and to those we serve.  Humble prayer to our Heavenly Father, in deep faith in Jesus Christ, is essential to qualify us for the companionship of the Holy Ghost."

            *Prayer is essential to get us through this earthly journey.  I have relied heavily on prayer throughout my trials this past year. *Tell about Kera's diagnosis.  When Kera was diagnosed I would plead with my father in heaven to help me  Throughout the process, from the very beginning until Kera passed away, and especially now that she is apart from me, I kneel in prayer often, and try to listen to the Lord and what his will is for me each day

            Pres. Eyring said "A morning prayer and an early search in the scriptures to know what we should do for the Lord can set the course of a day.  We can know which task, of all those we might choose, matters most to God, and therefore to us.  I have learned such a prayer is always answered if we ask and ponder with childlike submission, ready to act without delay to perform even the most humble service".   That phrase "without delay" sticks out to me.  There are have been times when I have been prompted to do a service for someone, or to call a friend, or to act quickly to help someone, and sometimes I have hesitated.  I know it's always best to act quickly without delay.  If we delay that service, we may miss out on a great opportunity.  The Lord may be using us as an answer to someone else's prayer, or as a ministering angel to someone else, and if we delay our action, not only to we rob ourselves of the blessings, but we may miss a real need to change someone else's life or circumstance. 

            Another way we can serve the Lord daily is by magnifying the callings that we have been given.  I have served in many different callings.  Two years ago I was called to serve as the first counselor in the Young Women's.  I had spent several years serving in the primary, and my children were all currently still in primary, so this call was foreign to me at first.  At first I wondered why I was called to Young Women's.  I did not have a daughter in the program, I didn't know if the girls related to me, and the girls had many other amazing leaders.  What was I doing there?  I got my answer after my daughter passed away and I relied heavily on the young women and the leaders to help me get through such a difficult loss.  I feel like each one of them have touched my life in their own way.  They all have attributes that I admire.  I know that they can grow by seeing me deal with my own trials and by bearing my testimony to them about what I have gone through. 

            President Monson said this of magnifying our callings.  "What does it mean to magnify your calling?  It means to build it up in dignity...to enlarge and strengthen it to let the light of heaven shine through it to the view of other men.  And how does one magnify a calling? Simply by performing the service that pertains to it."  I saw firsthand ward members who magnified their callings as they served our family in time of need.  They went above and beyond for us.

            Throughout our family's trial with our daughter's sickness and with her passing, we were able to be the recipients of several acts of service from friends near and far.  Many friends who reside in this stake have done countless acts of service for us.  I have one friend in particular who is a true example to me of selfless service.  She came to my house countless times to bring gifts to my children on birthdays, when one of my children was sick, or on a special day when I didn't always have the time to go out and get balloons or special things for them, she would bring the balloons and the cards and the little treats. She knew from her own experience what it was like to have a child diagnosed with cancer and the uncertainty and sheer terror that comes along with that. This friend came by several times a week to visit Kera and play games with her and my 5 year old when Kera was unable to be in school and would often times feel isolated from being homebound as her body had lost the ability to walk, and to talk, and do many of the things she was once able to do.   My faithful friend brought crafts for her to keep busy with.  She made jewelry with her, and even helped Kera make me this special bracelet that I wear often and which means the world to me now.  She patiently helped her string each bead, at this point Kera was unable to speak, and she would ask her yes or no on each bead.  She knew how important it was to Kera to make the bracelet just right, with each bead in a certain order.  This friend still reaches out to me and sends me little cards and messages, and it always seems to be on hard days when I am going through a particularly tough time.   I know she is guided by her Heavenly Father to do these kind acts of service, and she is a ministering angel to me and to so many other people around her. 

I cannot express enough, my gratitude to my family and friends and relief society sisters who came to clean my house once a week, and brought in dinners, who stopped by to visit with bunnies to entertain Kera, or games, or whatever they could think of to bring that may put a smile on her face that day, and teachers who came to our home to teach Kera when she could no longer be at school. Her teachers and schoolmates organized a easter basket donation, and her teachers came with huge baskets of gifts and games and toys for our family.  On Easter morning we woke up to our front yard literally covered with plastic easter eggs and toys from thoughtful neighbors who knew this would possibly be Kera's last Easter with us. Each of these people answered the call to serve God by serving us. I learned of the priceless value of service through each of these kind acts.  They answered the call to serve when I didn't know how I could make it through.  My own mother in law came and stayed with us for 6 months and worked tirelessly to help us and to be there for my boys when I had to dedicate most of my time to Kera. I have promised myself after viewing such an outpouring of love to be more diligent in serving others.  Service is about looking outside of oneself and our own problems and seeing who may be needing our help.  If we kneel in prayer and ask our Heavenly Father who we can serve that day, He will answer us and guide us to whom we can serve. 

            President Eyring says "In the hardest trials, as long as you have the power to pray, you can ask a loving God "Please let me serve, this day.  It doesn't matter to me how few things I may be able to do.  Just let me know what I can do.  I will obey this day I know that I can with thy help."

He says "By serving Him this day, you will come to know Him better.  You will feel his love and appreciation.  You would not want to delay receiving that blessing.  And feeling His love will draw you back to His service, wiping away both complacency and discouragement. 

The call to serve God is not always a call to serve others, although that is very important.  We serve God by worshipping Him at church, by taking the sacrament and renewing our covenants with Him.  We serve Him by keeping His commandments and by trusting in His plan for us. We commit ourselves to do better.  We repent of our sins and we commit to go forward in faith.  I have had many friends tell me how impressed they are with my ability to go on in faith after my daughter's passing.  They say they are amazed at my strength and my testimony.  I have to say that from the very beginning, soon after we learned of Kera's diagnosis, after the shock wore off, I had to make a choice.  I could either rely on my Heavenly Father and completely put my trust in Him, or I could become angry and bitter.  I chose to embrace God.  I knew this was a huge trial and I didn't know if I could bare it, but I learned to rely on the Lord when I didn't think I could go on.  I felt my faith in Him increase the more I put my trust in Him.  That is how God works.  When we show that we are faithful, we are given more strength.  When we bare testimony of Him, our faith is strengthened.  There were several tears and I pleaded with the Lord to remove Kera's tumor, but if it be His will.  I did not pray this way at first.  I told the Lord that I would not be able to handle it if Kera didn't make it through.  I told him he better not take her from me, or I would not be able to continue on, but I had 10 1/2 months to learn how to pray.  I learned why I needed to pray if it be His will.   I learned that God knows my daughter very well.  He knew long before she came here to Earth.  I learned to accept that He knew best.  I learned to trust in the plan of salvation.  I cherish the fact that my husband and I were sealed together in God's Holy temple and our children were sealed to us and we will live together for eternity.  My daughter will be reunited with me and I will get to raise her from the age she passed away.  Nothing will be taken from me.  I know that.  I am grateful for that knowledge and that faith.  Before   Kera passed away she was able to be given her patriarchal blessing from President Bennett.  What a blessing and a comfort that is to me that has helped me to keep my faith strong. 

-President Eyring said this about trials:

            "On many days, doing what matters most will not be easy.  It is not supposed to be.  God's purpose in creation was to let us prove ourselves.  The plan was explained to us in the spirit world before we were born.  We were valiant enough there to qualify for the opportunity to choose against temptation here to prepare for eternal life, the greatest of all the gifts of God.  We rejoiced to know the test would be one of faithful obedience even when it would not be easy.  And we will prove them herewith, to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them. Hard as we knew the test would be, we felt joy because we had confidence that we could pass it.  Our confidence came from knowing that Jesus Christ would come in to the world as our Savior.  He would make it possible for us to be cleansed of our sins by qualifying for the effects of His atonement.  We knew that the Savior would draw us to Him and would have the power to help us when the test would be hard and the temptation to procrastinate great."

            I know my daughter Kera is serving a mission on the other side of the veil.  Just like all parents who have to send their child away on a mission, it is with mixed emotions.  I know she is learning many important lessons and she has so many important tasks to accomplish.  Just as the Lord is hastening his work here, he is hastening it on the other side of the veil.  I think of Kera serving her mission and although I would give anything for a phone call on mother's day, or an 18 month release, I know that I will get to see her and be with her again for eternity. 

Kera's service is inspiring me to be a better person here.  I have a lot of work to do as well.  I need to prepare my three sons for their missions.  I need to continue to search the scriptures diligently and pray fervently for the Lord's guidance.  I need to find opportunities to serve those around me and develop christ-like charity.  I am being molded into the person that the Lord wants me to be.  The process is often a painful one.  I am being put into the refiner's fire.  It will be a long and difficult journey. But I know that I will be successful because I have the most beautiful and noble angel cheering for me and my family.  I know that my Heavenly Father and the Savior Jesus Christ live and they love me and are cheering me on as well.  I know that each of us are given our own trials to bare.  But I know that if we turn to God and serve Him each and every day without delay, we will return to live with Him again.  He will say well done, thou good and faithful servant, in the name of Jesus Christ Amen. 

3 months down

I have been feeling the need to post in my blog a lot lately.  I cannot express how much this hurts to have my daughter apart from me.  She is such a part of me, and without her here I feel empty inside. There have been many instances since her passing that I have felt her presence with me.  I felt her while we were in Texas visiting Dave's family.  I saw the most beautiful yellow and black butterflies at times when I knew she would want to be with us, like when we went swimming as a family, and while at the zoo when Ryder and I were walking down the path and I thought of how much I wished she were there, and I looked up and a beautiful butterfly fly right by me and went right next to where Ryder was walking.  One day while out in my garden, which is often the place I do a lot of my crying, I would see butterflies and know she was there.  She sends them to me as a comfort I'm sure.  While I was at girls camp at Heber Valley, which was simply one of the most sacred and spiritual places on this earth, outside of the temple and Kera's room, I saw a million butterflies all over the campsite.
I felt her presence very strongly during the week she passed away while Jacob was getting ready to receive the priesthood.  I felt her and still feel her spirit when I go into her bedroom.  I have felt her spirit every time I have visited the temple, especially when we went to the Jordan River temple to do baptisms for the dead at our family reunion.  My dad works in the baptistry and all of the cousins were there to do baptisms.  When we walked into the room to wait to do baptisms, the organist was playing the song Lilies of the Field, the song that was sung at Kera's funeral.  I knew that was her telling me she was there.  
I love these tender mercies of the Lord.  I am grateful that he allows her to visit her family during these times.  I love feeling her presence, but I wish I had one more hug, one more time to see her smile, one more late night talk in her room, one more time to see her off to school.  I want my daughter back.  I hate this.  I don't want to be patient.  I know I have so many great things waiting for me when I see her again.  But unfortunately this life is all I know.  It's hard to wait.  I feel so strongly that Kera is on a mission.  Just like any parent who has a child serving a mission for the church, I am so proud of the work she is doing, the success she must be having bringing new spirits into the light of the gospel.  Helping others and being a ministering angel.  But that doesn't mean you do not miss having them with you.  Seeing their face and talking to them in person.  Kera would have started 4th grade this year.  Not shopping for new school clothes, getting her all ready for the first day, buying a new backback, taking her picture on that first day, not seeing her walk her little brother onto the bus, that was a killer.
Last weekend my niece Cora, my brothers daughter, passed away also.  Cora was a twin and her sister died in the womb.  When she was born she had fluid on her brain and was born with just a brain stem.  She has been in a wheelchair and unable to do many basic functions.  Although she requires 24 hour care, her family views her as the greatest blessing in their home and her spirit is very strong.  When she smiles it is priceless. They are already missing her greatly. What a trial our families have been through.  Tonight is the viewing and tomorrow is the funeral.  I am a bit terrified to go through this again.  I know it will bring up many hard memories.
I also have been asked to speak in stake conference on Sunday.  I know the stake president asked me to speak for a reason, there are many things I can share about my journey that may help others.  I just sometimes feel overwhelmed by everything I am asked to go through.  I know my Kera is and has been a wonderful light to so many.  I sometimes wonder if I can measure up.  Sometimes these burdens feel heavier than I can bare.  That is why my only choice is to put them back on my father in heaven.  I have no way to do it alone.  My faith and testimony are all I have.  It will have to be enough.
I hope I can convey the feelings in my heart and share my message on Sunday in a clear way.  I have just started to write my outline.  Yikes, I better get writing. I'm praying that I can get through my talk and not bawl in front of the entire stake!