what a week

This past week has been a rough one for the Goar family.  It started out fairly well, and Kera was tolerating the chemo pill pretty well, without any nausea or bad side effects.  Then Wednesday hit, and Kera forgot to take her steroid pill in the morning.  Throughout the day she was doing okay, but she was very tired.  She slept a large portion of the day.  She told me around 3 o'clock that she forgot to take the pill I gave her that morning.  I brought it down to her bed and gave it to her with her breakfast, but she took a nap and forgot about it.  When she told me about forgetting it I gave her another one, then gave her the night time dose around bed time.  Michael went to school that day like normal, but when I picked him up he didn't look good and said his stomach and throat hurt.  He also had a low grade fever, so my immediate thought was he had strep.  Kera was having a lot of dizziness that day as well.  That night she was having a hard time catching her breath, and was struggling to talk.  When those episodes happen it really scares me.  I couldn't help but wonder if she was getting close to the end.  I just bawled that night after I put her to bed, and she slept in our bedroom too because I didn't want her far away from me.  Dave gave her a blessing that night and reminded her that she could be healed, and that her medicine would help her, as long as she had faith and if it was God's will.  The next day she was feeling a little better, but Michael was worse.  He still had a fever and he said he couldn't swallow. I had previously made a dr. appt for Thursday for Jacob because he's been getting a lot migraines lately, so I took Michael in that day as well.  The strep test came back negative, and the doctor said it was just a bad virus.  Ryder also started getting a fever that day as well.
 Jacob ended up having a migraine when I picked him up from school, so the doctor could see what an active migraine for him was like.  He really had a bad one with eye pain, and he was throwing up all day and into the night.  I wonder if it wasn't a stomach bug he had, but either way I had three sick boys and Kera and her worsening symptoms to deal with. My dad came up that day to stay with Kera while I took the boys to the doctor.  Friday the boys were still feeling pretty sick, and Jacob was supposed to go on a scout overnighter, but had to miss it. My mom came up that day to stay with the boys while I took Kera to her appt. at primary childrens.  They wanted to examine her symptoms and check her counts.  Her counts were normal luckily.  :)  I was glad because with all the sickness in our home, I was afraid she would get sick too.  She has been doing better these last few days and her symptoms have been manageable. After the doctor I took Kera to Color Me Mine to use up the last of a gift card we had.  She made a cute bowl that she said she will use for her macaroni and cheese.  These steroids she's on make her so hungry that all she wants to do is eat.  I try to keep healthier choices on hand, but a lot of times what she wants is sugar or macaroni and cheese and stuff like that.  I give her a lot of wheat toast and try to give her lots of fruits and veggies and smoothies too.  She finishes something then 5 minutes later wants something else.  It's a full time job keeping her fed!! ;)
Saturday the boys were getting better, and we were able to do some projects around the house.  Dave took Jacob ice fishing that afternoon, so he was feeling better. Kera even went to church with us today and stayed for all the meetings.  She was tired when she got home, and I notice that when she's tired is when her breathing is more labored and it's harder for her to talk.  I also think that her rapid weight gain is making it harder for her to breath and get around.  Poor little girl. :(
It was very difficult to manage everything with all my kids being sick and needing me all at the same time, but we got through it, and I'm hoping this week is much better!
 I was reading an article today from the March Ensign (a magazine our church puts out which you can check out here at www.lds.org/ensign) that was titled "Trials, Tribulations, and Trust in the Lord" by Elder Bradley D. Foster.  He shared a story about a young couple who went out on a date one night and left their 18 month old girl with relatives.  The little girl ended up falling into a canal and floated face down in the water for about a mile and was helped out by a farmer who performed CPR on her.  She was taken to the hospital and remained in critical condition for about a week.  She had many prayers on her behalf and received one priesthood blessing in particular that was talked about in the article. It said,
"While she was in the hospital, Preslee received a blessing in which she was told that countless people would be drawn to her story and that she would continue to influence others for good. When Ashley heard this, she thought her daughter would recover. “How else could she continue to influence others?” she asked.

Ashley had no idea that her blog, which has had nearly seven million page views, would continue to grow. An author of one of the many comments on her blog stated:

“[Preslee] has taught families to draw closer, love harder, look at each other a bit differently, and appreciate what they have. She has taught people that what they make big deals of in their lives may not be that big after all. Your family’s faith and perseverance [have] taught people to step back and reevaluate their own lives, and maybe live a bit differently, and with more purpose.”

Even on the darkest days, Ashley and Pat still rely on the Lord and testify of the healing power of His Spirit. They have experienced a measure of the peace that only He can bring."

I feel this way about Kera and our trials.  I know that we have learned so many important lessons throughout this whole ordeal with Kera's tumor.  I know that the Lord has a plan for our family, and that Kera's trials have brought our family closer together.  I hope that by reading about our family's trials and about the hard times we are facing, we can all stop with the business of life and take time to enjoy our children and be grateful for the blessings we are given.  Each one of my children are unique and possess their own individual spirits.  They are all so precious to me, and I know I am their mother for a reason.  I know that faith and the power of the atonement can allow us to return to our father in heaven.  I know he loves my children and knows them even better than I do, and he wants the very best for each of them.  If we remain obedient and worthy, we can all return to Him again and be together for eternity. Trusting in this and in Him is what allows me to get through each and every day.  

started chemo

Well we decided to start Kera on the oral chemo pill Temodar on Friday.  As Kera's posts have said, she started having worsening symptoms the last week of January, and the symptoms worsened to the point where we decided to put her back on the steroid.  Some of the symptoms that she has struggled with are similar to when she first started having symptoms before she was diagnosed.  She has been getting dizziness, and her left side of her body is very weak and mostly numb.  Her left arm is so weak that she can't control it much, and she has stopped doing piano for now.  It is difficult to only have one good arm.  She also has weakness in her left leg and it's difficult for her to walk as she isn't able to move the leg much.  It's been so difficult to see these symptoms return, and for the arm and leg to be unable to move.  This was not a symptom she had last time.  I really hoped we wouldn't see symptoms so quickly post radiation.  She finished treatment in September, so it was about 4 1/2 months after, that she started with these symptoms.  I am so grateful that she was feeling so wonderful for our trip to Disneyworld and for Christmas and her birthday, but I just do not want to be back here.  It is so hard to see her suffer with the symptoms and putting her back on the steroid is very difficult.  Since starting them a few weeks ago her symptoms have improved some.  Her dizziness is better and she is talking more clearly, and her walking has gotten somewhat more steady and her balance has improved, but the steroids can only do so much.  Of course the side effects are difficult as well.  She gets very mad and irritable.  Her brothers drive her nuts, and even their talking can drive her crazy.  She wants it quiet and all her senses are heightened and every sound is magnified.  Also the constant hunger is difficult to keep up with.  She has put on a few pounds and the puffy cheeks makes her more self conscious like they did before.  I know that these symptoms aren't fun, and I'm hoping she won't have to be on them for too much longer and I'm hoping more than anything that this chemo pill does something to shrink her tumor, or can stabilize it so that she isn't suffering with these symptoms.
So far Kera has tolerated the chemo pill pretty well.  The first night she took the pill she threw up in the night like she explained in her post, but each night since I have given her the Zofran before I give her the pill and she hasn't had any nausea, thank goodness!!  I have been more concerned about germs now that she is taking chemo, so I want to steer clear of places where she can pick up germs.  She is still doing school at home during the day since she is not able to walk around confidently and with the chemo it's really a risk having her there.  She was able to go to her valentine's day party at school on Friday and I came with her to help with it.
All in all Kera has been in pretty good spirits.  She gave the lesson tonight for our family home evening.  She talked about faith.  Kera has so much faith and such a strong spirit.  She said that we need to have faith in everything we do and that she has to have faith that this medicine will help her tumor.  I know that with her strong faith she will be blessed.  She read a scripture in Moroni 7:37 that says "For it is by faith that miracles are wrought; and it is by faith that angels appear and minister unto men; wherefore, if these things have ceased wo be unto the children of men, for it is because of unbelief, and all is vain."  I have felt angels ministering to our family and especially to Kera during this time of trial.  I know she is being looked after and no matter how difficult things get, she will have the Lord's help and angels will minister to her to get her through this.  I am very grateful for her strength and courage. I love my sweet girl with all of my heart and I have faith that the Lord will help her and that He knows what is best for His daughter.

some of the worst nights

this is kera typing it has been some of the worst nights for me. I really do not like going to bed because I started taking steroids and after dinner they make me hungry and I mean really hungry! so I will go in my bed at about 8. But I will go to bed at 9. Next, I will wake up about 3! and thanks to the steroids I stay up till 5 because I can not go back to bed. Then, at 6 I will go to bed about for only 30 minutes! then wait till 8 when every ones up and I will eat breakfast and its like that almost every night! But yesterday I started chemo and last night I through up at 3 then went to bed at 6,  and ate at 8. luckily at day time its not as bad and I sometimes take a 30 minute nap. I am doing okay at the daytime and my chemo did not make me fell nauseaus today and I hope I do not fell nauseaus for the four more days I haft to take it. every thing else is doing fine and mom has just been teaching me school  at home. I hope the chemo makes me brain tumor shrink or something and the chemo dose not make me fell too nauseaus.

Kera

a busy week

this is kera typing, its been a busy week. I started having some symptoms like dizziness and my left arm and leg are sooo weak. When I walk, it is hard on my left leg.  and sometimes if I walk around a lot, I will start to get dizzy and I need to stop and take a breath.  I started getting these symptoms last Saturday.  On Saturday, my dad took me and my two brothers ice fishing.  I didn't know it would be that hard, but it was hard.  Luckily all we did was sit around and wait a tug on the line, but it was hard walking back and forth to the car.  It was cold, but we had 3 layers of clothes on, and we were okay.  When we got back from ice fishing, I was really not feeling good.  I couldn't walk well, and my mom went to get the steroid pills from the pharmacy.  I started them Sunday morning, and slowly started to feel a little better.
This week my mom just taught me school at home.  One day we went to the library and got some books and movies that I can learn from.  On Friday my two best friends that live in Kaysville (where I used to live) came for a sleepover and I felt fine. Today I am feeling good and I went to church.  :)
The steroids make me mad and I have a hard time keeping my temper when my brothers are being loud, especially when Ryder sings and conducts his music at the top of his lungs!!  My cheeks aren't as chubby as they were the first time because I am not taking as much. I hope they don't get much chubbier.
Well, we had dinner and I helped my mom make some brownies, and now we are going to go watch a family movie.
Kera

A Quick Update

This week has been so insane! It is shocking how fast Kera's symptoms have worsened in just a few days.  As I said in my last post, we took her in to the Dr. on Weds. morning because she started having symptoms with her left arm being weak, and the night before our visit, tuesday night, she started to feel dizzy for the first time.  Well since Wednesday her dizzy spells have become more frequent.  She was suffering from them only at night when she layed down, and starting yesterday, Friday, she started to get dizzy in the daytime when she would stand up or move her head around.  I felt like she was good enough yesterday to go see a movie, so we went to see Frozen.  None of my kids had seen it yet, and they all really enjoyed it.  Even I have to admit it was a good one.  After the movie she was really tired and she went right to bed when we got home.  This morning she got dizzy again when she woke up.  Well she was also having more difficulty walking steady, that started up Thursday night.  But today it's the worst it's been.  Dave had planned to take the kids ice fishing.  Kera really wanted to go, and I think Dave wanted her to be there and enjoy the time, so she went.  Well, I don't know if it was a mistake because they got to enjoy some good memories, but when she got home Dave carried her in the house and when I saw her I panicked.  She did not look good at all!!  She was pale, and she could not even talk very clearly.  She said she was dizzy and we put her on the couch.  We had dinner and started our fast, and as soon as that was done I went to the pharmacy to pick up the steroid pills.  Yesterday after I noticed her symptoms worsening I called the dr. and had them fill the rx for the steroid just in case.  I'm glad I did.  After she laid down for awhile and watched a movie, she seemed to be a bit better and she could talk more clearly.  Boy I've never been so scared!!  It was pure agony seeing her like that. With the steroid pill, we are supposed to have her take it every 6 hours for the first 5 days, and since we would have had to wake her up to take it, and because it can make it hard to sleep, I decided to wait until morning to give her the first dose.  The steroid is supposed to help with swelling, and it should lessen her symptoms quite a bit.  I sure hope it works!!  I am also really leaning towards starting her on the oral chemo pill Temodar.  I want to have a her tumor stabilized so we can enjoy more time together.  I am not ready to lose her.  I know I will never be ready for that, but I just want more time, more than anything else in this world.  I'm not sure how I'm gonna get through all of this, but I know that now more than ever, I need the Lord's help.

Pictures

Disneyworld Pics from my cell phone:

 Inside the Three Broomsticks Restaurant in Harry Potter World 

where we had fish n chips and Butter Beer

 Despicable Me 2 3 D Ride

Photo Pass Pictures from our trip to Disneyworld:

Give Kids the World Pictures at Disneyworld:

Kera's star that they hung in the wishing tower

The Ice Cream Palace, where we spent a lot of time! ;)

 Kera's star is hung on the ceiling in this tower