Tender Mercies

7/22/13 Monday:
I just reread my last post, and it's amazing what a roller coaster of emotions this whole process is.  I have good days and bad ones for sure, even good hours and bad ones.  But today I am positive because yesterday turned out to be a good day. :)  Kera rested so much Saturday, and I think her symptons were worse that day because she probably overexerted herself on Friday with swimming outside, playing with her friends, and even playing the wii that day.  It was also so hot as it's been the past few days, like 100 degree hot.  It's taxing being out in the sun even for someone who's healthy.  I did not see the same symptom problems on Sunday afternoon, and she even felt well enough later in the evening to play some games and spend time with the family.  :) :):)
I want to talk a little bit about tender mercies of the Lord that I have seen occur during this whole ordeal.  There have been many thoughts that have crossed my mind about this.  I know that this is a huge trial, and one I wish I was not given because I feel so extremely unprepared and overwhelmed by it all, but at the same time, I have seen a difference in the spirit in our home since this whole thing began.  I know that for me, reading my scriptures and saying my prayers has been such a comfort, and I have received many whisperings of the spirit and comfort by doing these things.  I have read articles from the ensign and thought back to all of the lessons we have had over this past year in Young Women.
The curriculum for the youth this year is all about the plan of salvation, the Savior, the power of the priesthood, the ordinance of baptism, the ordinances performed in the temple, specifically being sealed together as families for eternity.  All of these things have been preparing me for this trial.  I understand that now.  I wondered when I was called to the position as 1st counselor in the young womens presidency why I was called to such a time consuming and foreign calling to me.  I thought it would be hard to be away from my little ones while I attend youth activities every wednesday night, and girls camp, and the pioneer trek, etc., etc etc..  But I know now that I needed to be spiritually prepared.  I needed to understand the plan of salvation, the ordinances of this gospel and why they are so important, the importance of strengthening my testimony and standing in holy places and the atonement of the Savior, all of which things were focused on at girls camp.  I needed to understand to a small extent the sacrifice that the early pioneers of our church made while crossing the plains and moving their families and their possessions and their whole life across the country to start a new life and all of the sacrifices they made along the trail, especially the sacrifice of having to bury their own children.
There is a missionary that just got transferred to our area, and we just found out that his sister suffered a brain tumor similar to the one Kera has.  I am not sure if it is exactly the same, but he told us about the diet and juices and things that his mom would make and give to his sister to help her with her illness.  This is something worth researching.  Also, Saturday night while we were at the temple, one of the temple workers was a lady who used to live in the ward I grew up in in California.  She told me how she is praying for Kera every day, and put her name on the prayer roll.  She also has a daughter who works at the UofU, so who knows, I may need to give her a call sometime.  It helped to have someone I know in the temple that night as I was definitely very emotional.  So many tender mercies are occuring.
I know the Lord sees the whole picture and he knows what we need.  I truly feel that I need to feel this pain and this sacrifice to understand things that I wouldn't understand otherwise, and ultimately I know a miracle can occur if it is the Lord's will for Kera and that my daughter can be healed.  I know that can only happen if we have faith and if she has faith to be healed.
I talked to Kera last night about the importance of faith.  I read to her from the Book of Mormon where it talks about Christ visiting the Nephites on the American Continent and how the people were so moved by his sermon and they wanted more than anything for Christ to heal their sick.  He felt their strong faith and he asked them to bring their sick unto him and he would heal them.  After he healed them and performed these miracles, those that were healed kissed the Savior's feet and bathed them with their tears.  It was funny because then Kera said, "Eww, I wouldn't kiss his feet if Christ healed me, but I would give him a big hug.  It's so funny how kids think.
After we read the scriptures together, I encouraged Kera to write in her journal. I helped her write down the words that she wanted to say in her journal, then I tucked her in to bed.  It was such a special moment shared with her and I hope to continue this each night with her.
Kera of course has many worries, and it is very difficult to know how to proceed with everything sometimes.  Do I give her all the information and maybe worry her more, or do I spare her some of the details and maybe lessen her worries.  But she also told me tonight that she doesn't like it when I leave the room and talk about her without her being there.  This scares her more, so I am going to try to not do that anymore.  She also gets scared and night when she thinks about everything.  Tonight she told me that she was scared that she wouldn't ever get to do the things that she used to do like gymnastics and so many things she enjoys doing.  I tried to reassure her that these treatments will help her get better and she will get to do all of the things she used to do.  I know she will get better, and I hope it's soon!
Kera has been much more tired in the mornings, but like last night she had more energy in the late afternoon and around dinnertime.  So today after I got back from Walmart, and I brought her home some cheerful flowers as per her request.  Actually she made a list of all of the foods and things that sounded good to her, so off to the store I went to purchase those items.  Before I left I asked her if there was anything else she wanted, and she said flowers, and she wanted them to be yellow, cheerful ones. ;)  So i picked up some yellow stargazer lilies and she loved them.  I also got her some Mr. Sketch scented markers like the ones she uses at grandpa's house that she can use while we're driving to salt lake city everyday and while we're waiting for her treatments.  After I got back from the store she was feeling well enough, so we went to chuck e cheese for family night. Oh and by the way, we are starting Kera's treatment now tomorrow, and we will do the treatment on Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday.  They want to fit in as many treatments as they can before we leave for our family reunion next wednesday.  I'm anxious to start the radiation treatments tomorrow.  I will give an update on how all of that goes later.

p.s.-I know many of you who are reading my blog may not be LDS, and if there are questions that you have about any of the things I am discussing or if you want to learn more, please feel free to check out www.lds.org.  You can type in your questions, watch videos, learn more about the plan of salvation and eternal families, or anything at all.  It is a great website with so many valuable tools and resources.  I know that the knowledge I have that the Savior lives and my testimony of the gospel is what is getting me through all of this.